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the neurotypicals are not okay (a long post about a "parenting neurodiverse kids" class)
i go to a parenting class for parents of neurodivergent kids. the other parents are all neurotypical.
holy fuck is it a nightmare
i started by trying to empathize with these parents, to some degree. they truly do not understand how their child's brains are wired. and that feels horrible. to feel that disconnected and dissonant with your own kid is painful.
this empathy got me through the first half hour. the remaining 7.5 hours have been slow torment and me learning to control my facial reactions.
"how do i get my son to make eye contact?" you don't
"how can i get my daughter to not repeat the same things she's already said over and over again?" you don't
"how can I get my son to stop telling me about something i don't find interesting?" you don't
"how do I stop feeling guilty about giving my kid adhd?" holy shit get some fucking therapy
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re: the neurotypicals are not okay (a long post about a "parenting neurodiverse kids" class)
"how can I get my son to stop telling me about something i don't find interesting?" What???? Why even become a parent then? Like the point of creating a human being is that you're creating a human being, with like interests and stuff. I don't get how people think of making a child like you're creating a homunculus-style clone of yourself with all your same likes and dislikes.
re: the neurotypicals are not okay (a long post about a "parenting neurodiverse kids" class)
@AppleAmps @gintoxicating It could open a conversation of teaching kids to read the room so they don’t grow up to be reply guys or only talk about themselves on dates, but it sounds like these parents have more selfish motives.
re: the neurotypicals are not okay (a long post about a "parenting neurodiverse kids" class)
@Vorsos @AppleAmps kinda-yes. I didn't mention it in the original post but this was a class for kids around 10 years, which is (imo) probably too early for that kind of lesson. Let them be themselves because this is when they get to find out who that is!
At some point (my kid is only 10 so I haven't felt out when yet tbh) they do need to learn about the social expectations other folks will have... but I'm still worried at her age she will internalize this as her behavior being wrong and I really, really want to avoid that.
I think specifically with dates and direct social settings (not reply-guy land), ND folks will find their people and those people understand. So, so many of the people I know understand an infodump is very often a sign of closeness and love. Our conversation patterns are different, but we usually understand each other enough that it's safe to be ourselves without the other person finding it selfish or self-absorbed. Or at least go in willing to understand those things to some degree.
It is tough though, and like I said I haven't yet really dug into that balancing act. I expect it will be very, very hard and I will learn a lot!
re: the neurotypicals are not okay (a long post about a "parenting neurodiverse kids" class)
@gintoxicating @AppleAmps All great points. You’re far better suited for this work than I am.
I may have sounded like the onus is on NDs to be the best version of themselves to engage the world. I think NTs could put more effort into understanding and have flexible expectations. Living with ADHD has been an ongoing lesson for me, anyway.