Since 2025 i have only donated to trans-centered charities and mutual aid. I do not feel comfortable giving my money to cis folks when my home country is actively committing genocide against my community. I haven’t told any family cis folks about this “policy” or the reason and they are too fucking cis to know on their own.
I get requests from my family to donate to their kids (very well funded white suburban) schools or orchestra or stuff. These ramp up near the holidays.
Wdyt is the best way for a cute tgirl to handle this?
Poll closed ,21 votes total
Option 1,I’m trans; Don’t tell them and don’t donate
You know your family better than any of us, but would they notice you're deflecting if you told them that you "only donate where it'll make the most difference" and that you "wish them success but the schools are already more well-funded than where [your] money goes"? -- basically implying that you follow the 'effective altruism'¹ mindset -- or will the knowledge that you donate to anyone in the first place just make them more covetous of a piece of your financial pie?
Outright telling them the actual policy is a possibility as well, especially if they're supportive but clueless, but it opens the door for that cluelessness to come up with arguments like "oh, but the music department isn't oppressing y'all" or "but we're part of your community too, by accident of birth." To me it seems like there's more opportunity there for them to feel like you're cutting them specifically out instead of understanding the line being cis culture in general.
¹ Its proponents have always struck me as a bit slimy and holier-than-thou, but it does provide a good patsy in this case. Alternate implied recipients are subject to who they're most likely to support but least likely to pry into, at the expense of needing to keep actual white lies believable rather than letting them think they're filling in the blanks around misleading statements; something like "kids in Africa" or "ecological causes" could also fit the bill.
