If internalized, subconscious homophobia is why women have dated me in the past, my bullies were right all along: a girl would have to be crazy to date me.
(and of course they were right that i'm, like, super gay ~💕)
This is good because the thought of trying to form any type of relationship myself fills me with an existential panic I don't fully understand.
But it's also bad because I never really felt like I had agency in relationships, and ended up staying in them too long, and never got comfortable being alone.
In the ~20 years I was dating I was single for 4 months. Total.
