transister.social

The cashier asked me "would you like..." and I couldn't hear what the rest was and instead of my goto (staring at her until she repeats herself) I said no.

*buzzer sounds*

"What is the reason I'm carrying all the groceries to my car without a bag, Alex. And let's stay with 'Reasons I'm Dumb', for $400."

"Alright here we go: A pretty girl .... "

Me: "that's a win/win"

Ex: "A win/win is not where you win twice"

Sometimes in conversations I'm slow to respond because one of my thoughts has turned itself into a musical number

#actuallyautistic

A friend on Facebook did Math and statistically in my entire state there should be between 3 and 30 people I'm compatible with, so I'm googling how to set it up so someone comes to check on your pets in case you die alone. Or I'm adopting a very large snake.

I have two options, life is truly a cornucopia.

Glad I didn't get laid off for obvious reasons, but also because I didn't want to replace my phone and doorbell.

(For stupid reasons these are technically the property of my employer.)

transfemmes are so bashful you have to wait until the third date to get the url of their webcomic

At some point soon I'll need to come out to a hairstylist.

It's awesome when one of y'all feels comfortable to change to using a photo profile pic but I lose all context on who someone is when their little anime face goes away 🥸

In today's "mind of a cis boy lol": I read through one of my journals from 2 years ago, shortly after my divorce.

I did a LOT more research than I remember on both dating internationally to get onto 90 Day Fiance, and pursuing being a sugar daddy of some kind / how much sugar I'd need to have.

I seem to have left it off when I realized women are expensive to rent.

Good job, cishet me.

hmu if you also read ootd as 'oooo-tuh-dee' we have so many abbreviations to talk about

oooo! I just thought of a good question to include in the reply I'm writing to this girl. This is totally going to be worth the two days I've spent on it.

All four sentences are going to be perfect

Accidentally clicked the icon that shows me the Explore page or whatever it's called and wtf

It's like news articles and cis white dudes being performative and various dunks on people who will never see it

Not one femboy. No cat girls or boys. Closest thing to a furry was a stuffed animal someone was donating to goodwill.
Not a single horny to be seen.

Thesr fools waste the power they hold in their hands

soulmates are a dubious concept but I hope to find my bookmate (person who sits on the opposite end of the couch and reads books with u)

i just think it'd be more honest if the "what are you looking for?" drop-down had an option for "not to die alone"

there are dozens of us!! dozens!!!

searching "how to slide into dms politely" did not yield the bounty of advice i was hoping for, no wonder men are bad at it

search web: how to repair epilator but I kept trying to fix it and it's really messed up bad now

everything I write is pointless drivel

not in a self demeaning way I'm usually a decent writer, but right now I am writing literalyl strings of nonsense baby words

(not a medical emergency, just avoidance)

a girl I dated liked to tell me "they built you wrong", but folks: she doesn't even know she's bi

my new phone has that face unlock thing and I've convinced myself it works faster if I open my eyes really wide so it can see me good

and so now I make weird faces at my phone to unlock it and I think there will be questions and this is why you shouldn't live alone. phone face is why.

This is possibly #mastodon heresy, but is there a way to view boosts separately?

Ideally: everything directly created by the people I follow in my home timeline as usual, but boosts in a separate collection.

Basically, I never want to miss something someone I follow directly created, which is hard to do with boosts in-line.

(Also, I'd boost much more if it didn't pollute ppls timelines and got deduped)

There are some use cases this breaks but most of those need better solutions anyway.